Ever since I was small, you have always been there. Year after year, you never missed a Christmas and you never missed a birthday. You were always here to make sure I’m okay and to talk for hours. Every time I would get to see you, you never knew how much I didn’t care about leaving to play games. But rather just sit with you and talk, because to you I was never just some kid. I was your family and you treated me like an adult. Your stories were legendary and always made me laugh, the tales of my parents before they were my parents gave a whole new romance to the one I’ve always known. I will always love and look forward to our 2 a.m. talks. Blood is not the only thing that makes people family. Love, loyalty, respect and caring is what makes you and I family. I love you Uncle, I always have and I always will.
This right here is Amelia, the new Princess of my castle. From nothing, something beautiful comes.
I sit behind the desk of my own self importance and have this near erotic case of narcissistic personality disorder. I am so sorry for myself that it is basically impossible to be a good person.
So I actually put almost all my effort into being that good person, to just sastify myself. I love it and hate it all at the same time, but fuck it I am pretty damn awesome.
So as I welcome Amelia into my home and arms, I am glad to have the release and love of someone.
Today was the first REAL Summer day that I can remember, since like my childhood. The feeling that something had ended and something new and refreshing was waiting just down the road. As my friends and I packed up my Mom’s minivan and prepared for our day at the park, it was just so nice to stand back and breath in the warm air with the sweet scent of mown lawns jumbled together with flowers and sunscreen.
We laughed, my God did we laugh. About this and then about that! We ran and walked, jumped and laid down in the shade of oak trees while the hot sun beat down all around us. We were protected however, from anything that could hurt us. Deep within our flanneled bunkers with bees over head and ants underfoot.
Then to tie together a perfect day, we built that bonfire high and watched the smoke dance between the stars.
I love you guys and thank you for a glimpse back into my childhood.
In the words of Moody, “Just because two people of the opposite sex meet after 7 p.m. does not make it a date”.
Being young and still in my teens, the trend of dating and mindless texting. We live our lives over computer screens and the hipocracy of it all is that I am typing this on my phone. Maybe we stick to being glued to computer screens and having these depth-less encounters we call “dates”, because being young and being in love is rebarbative.
We grow up watching these movies with happily ever afters and Prince Charmings the Cinderella and wicked step-sisters. The truth we later learned is much more bleak, a lot of real love falls short in the long game. Then we find out the ever more popular theory that seems to resonate throughout my entire present life. Every date will lead to one of two outcomes,
1.) Marriage (forever)
2.) Break up/Divorce (limited)
So it is no wonder that I find I can not commit to anything more than a single date. Everything is either forever or it will end, and that is pretty damned scary. No wonder we stick our faces behind screens, they are our shields against the infinite reality that plagues us all.
His fleeting victory,
A flicker of memory,
Snuffed out by the dark.
I am Prideful.
I am Promising.
I am Strong.
I am a Slave to No Man.
I have put the gun to my head and set it back down.
I am half a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of whiskey.
I am a silent lullaby in a dark room.
I am the glow of a computer screen.
I am Growing.
I am an Uncle.
I am not Sorry.
I am a Wish in a Fountain.
I am a Bouquet of Flowers and a Pushed in Chair.
I am the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
I am Odin and Thor.
I am Wodën.
I am me… and that’s okay.
My insides are burning!
I can feel the pain erupting through me.
I am destroying myself!
Just trying to look for you in someone else.
Being lost within love is a painful death!
The hang mans noose,
Fits like a glove around my heart.
I am falling through the trap door and suffocating,
On dreams of you. .